Letter to anxiety

If you have ever experienced anxiety you will resonate with this letter. My client has written this letter and when I read it I got emotional and even my tummy twisted round dragging me in to my memories of those days when I had very bad anxiety. I felt the need to share this letter, because those of you who don’t know what anxiety means or feels can have a glimpse of what that is like. People that have anxiety, I hope you can feel that you are not alone, and you do not have to carry on suffering it alone, it is horrible experience and everyone deserves support of going through it.

Dear anxiety,

You’re not mine. You’re not MY anxiety. I don’t want you to be mine. You’re just a feeling that I experience a lot. And you’re so fucking unpleasant.

Please don’t hurt me.

You’ve been showing up everyday recently and, not gonna lie, I’ve been trying to avoid you as much as I can. Doesn’t work. You show up even more, bitch.

You come uninvited and I know you do this because you want me to see there’s something wrong.

I should be grateful to you, but it’s really hard when you make me feel like I’m about to die. You take over my whole body and make me feel so weak in my soul and mind.

It starts with a thought. Or a feeling. I notice it, all the time.

Sometimes I’m able to let it go but sometimes it grows, I engage with it and it takes over. It controls me. It’s the worst feeling ever.

I felt a lot of bad feelings in my life, as everyone, but I think you win. You’re fucking terrifying.

No heartbreak, no loss, no migraine, no sadness is worst than when panic takes over my body.

And what makes you even worse is that a lot of people don’t know you, they don’t know your strength, they’ve never experienced it and can’t comprehend. They think I’m weak or lazy or crazy.

I’m not. I’m none of those things. I am strong, I don’t give up and I’m human.

I do seek their approval which is also why you show up sometimes.

“I’m not weak, I’m not weak, I’m not weak” I repeat to myself, and you show up. Maybe as a reminder of how strong I am. I do live and I love deeply even when I’m experiencing you. And for who never tried that, it takes A LOT of strength.

Compassion is hard when you don’t know this kind of suffering, the mental pain that comes with it.

I feel like a lot of people don’t understand, but people don’t need to understand, they just need to be kinder. I need to be kinder because I myself don’t understand a lot of things.

One thing I do understand is that everyone suffers. And we need to be more compassionate. We need to love more.

I hate you but you’re teaching me a lot of things, writing this letter to you is so healing. Painful, but it’s making me feel like I wanna hug myself. I wanna tell little myself that there’s nothing wrong with her and she will be ok. She’s not weak, she can do anything she wants.

Thank you anxiety, but I don’t need you anymore.

With love,

Anonymous client